Just too good!!!

This is a short story written by Dr Kishore Shah....he is a gynecologist in Pune
in India and a very gifted writer....enjoy this extremely funny story

My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist. (In fact, we had nearly
called our hospital The 'Holey' Family hospital but are now waiting for our son
to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.)

This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A
General Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of
hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax
for removal of the wax to my wife.

I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was
expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital, it was
but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up
with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient.

"Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile,
when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat
hesitantly on the edge of the chair. "Relax."

"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"

"Not at all."

The patient relaxed visibly. "You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it
at home, but failed."

I was shocked. "Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious complications.
"

"I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't budge."

I smiled and said, "If it were that easy, who would need doctors?"

She gave a cute smile and said, "Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with his
finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin."

"Oh my God!"
"Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick."

My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering a
word.

"Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?"

I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. I
replied a bit angrily, "There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or
you could use protection at night."

Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, "You mean to say that it happens
only at night?"

I saw her point. "No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the
mood, you should use protection."

She was even more confused, "It depends on my moods?"

Again I saw her point. "My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just
happens."

"My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside."

"You mean that pin man?"

"Yeah!"

This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he
was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among the pins. "You
were wise not to heed his advice."

"But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait.
However, that also did not work."

This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up
either in a padded cell or a barred one.

"But have you taken your husband's permission?"

Now the patient looked confused. "Do I have to take my husband's permission?
Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able to meet
for the last one year."

It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' cases.
The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. "No!
No! The husband's sign is not at all needed."

"However, I did inform him on phone."

Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know whether to
congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other
aspects. "Its good that you came a bit early."